He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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