I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
