I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize