I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
