I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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