I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
