P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
