I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize