Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
