I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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