Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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