He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
BRING THE BAGELS
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
