He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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