Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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