i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
