you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
