if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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