well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
