I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
