i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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