hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
