Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
