my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
