I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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