Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
