it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize