I want to stick my p in your. b.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
