i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
