I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
