I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
