Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
