I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
