I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
