I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
