you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize