So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
