is your mom at the bar?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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