I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
