Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
