sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
