if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize