I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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