so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
