Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
