i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
