:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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