he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
