Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize