Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
