I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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