well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
