I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
