Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
