Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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