i don't like sucking hair
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
