You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
