brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize