i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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