dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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