so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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