Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
