Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
