Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize