The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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