He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
