I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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